whether it was out of my hands or not. I had hope. Perhaps 'OZ' did too. Throughout this whole book, I'm never really sure of his thinking, but here I will let you know that when I asked him if he made love to Michelle, he said that he didn't want her. May I remind you that this is after he cried all night alone in a car after she told him goodbye. I don't trust him and he's dangerous. If he's reincarnated, then he is Michael Jackson and I can't help but wonder how such a negative and violent man could also write such a beautiful song. Remember that she's out of my life, too, and there is much more of me out there musically. {But, Obviously, It Is Not About Michelle. It Is About CADDY SHACK And Jeanine. My Songs.}

Throughout this whole thing, 'OZ' has treated me like a fool. I'm not a fool. {I Was, Sort Of.} If he loves Michelle deeply and there is reincarnation, then I have loved her too {As A Daughter.} and love her as deeply as he does. He can't ignore me and I don't really feel that I can ignore him either. My first thought would be that if we both love her, then she should decide. But his and Jimi Hendrix' threat to kill either her or me changed that. He apparently has a total disregard for Michelle's wishes and it is not because of the state of the world and is not out of a desire to protect her.

and the life was depressing. I don't know how I would feel, if I didn't have the music and hope for God and Michelle and our circumstance. I had that to be involved with. Michael didn't.

He told me once that he had met Jackson Browne personally one time while he was in California. He said that he played a couple of his songs for Jackdon at a party. Jackson had told him that they were great but that the star's life was full of bullshit and it took it's toll. He told Michael that he should keep writing songs about the people in his life like he was and that the most important thing to give to someone was a song. Michael could see it and agreed.

I especially thought that Persephone's plight in the wintertime depressed him. And the street people depressed him. He cared an awful lot about everyone, but seemed resigned. It is a depressing thing to have to live without the basics in life like a bed and a home and clothes.

Persephone was a good lady, but she had been driven crazy by her dire, homeless circumstance. I thought that she needed love and a home so badly. And this happens in the good old USA. Her eyes are wild with fear and she's always running from her circumstances. Summer is the only time she's able to enjoy things a little. She doesn't have to worry about winter clothing and a place to sleep. I've met a lot of street people in my life and I always find they are the most lovely and touching people anyone can ever know, but no one cares to know them. We are alone in America. And without anything except institutions and the streets. And no one cares..............

With death, deformity and suffering (not in that order. I would order it suffering, deformity and death.) life is a frightening morass and most people try to avoid thinking about it. The fear is written in almost everyone's face and in almost everything people do. They placate themselves with whatever good they can find. Many run from death, deformity and suffering in fear and cling to the 'good' things in life in desperation. These are the ones who 'turn away' from the problems society has responsibility for and live the 'good life' without caring about the 'other guy'. They're weak and never are forced to account for themselves.

In 1982 I heard a bit more depressing news. Michael had commited suicide. I was shocked. Few people ever cared to know him............

Then came an episode in my life that I'm both proud of and not proud of. I don't know if you have ever felt two opposing ways about an event in your life, but this was one of them.

I was now living in Saxony Apartments. I had come to believe that God had given me a mystical song for lute or guitar from the time of Xerxes. I realized that it came from God to me when I was exploring the times of Xerxes, the Persian Lord of the largest, wealthiest empire in the world. I wondered if the song was from that time in history; 500 B.C. Here is the story behind the song. {This Is: The Theme From Barâ-t.}

I had thought about Xerxes and reincarnation at an early age. I, now, wondered if Xerxes' wife, the biblical Esther, was Michelle and I, Xerxes. I was going to the University library of history now. I had always been infatuated with the pirate Jean Lafitte and the emperor Xerxes since I was a child. I decided to do some research. First, Lafitte.

He was a very mystical man. He developed a fleet of ships by capturing Spanish and English merchant ships off the coast of the Louisiana delta when they were trying to deliver goods to New Orleans. He traveled all the way to Canada, selling the goods he had captured. Eventually, he had developed such a reputation as a pirate that he would get a given ship to surrender by just shooting off their bowsprit. His gunners were unequalled.

The stranger parts about him were well known at the time. He was said to have lived to be over 100 years old and was reported to still be young looking at that age. The rumours said that he studied magic and had found a way to keep himself alive past 100. There were two old black and white photographs of Lafitte in the book and I decided to check and see if he looked like me. He did. The woman in one of the photographs, dressed in a black outfit of the time looked a lot like Michelle. In that photo, Lafitte was dressed like a man of the cloth and his consort, Hortense Mortimer, was dressed like a nun. I wondered why..................

The story behind his marriage to her was interesting. Her maiden name was Hortense Mortimer. Lafitte had met her while he was trading his booty in French Canada. Apparently they fell in love and he brought her all the way back to New Orleans where they were married.

I also did some exploring around the great Persian emperor Xerxes. I had been infatuated with him since I was three, and I felt that now was the time to find out as much as I could about him and the biblical Esther. His biblical name was Ahasuerus. To the Jews he was a saint because he reversed a decision of his justice minister to kill off the Jews in his kingdom. The story is interesting and told to the fullest in the book of Esther in the bible.

His religion was the religion of Zoroaster, the magician and visionary. Their supreme being was called Ahura-Mazda and their Satan was called Ahriman. There was a constant battle going on between Ahura-Mazda and Ahriman. Ahriman was the deceiver. Ahura-Mazda was the light-giver. Anyway, one's fate was thought to be inevitable and Haman, Xerxes' justice minister decided to kill off the Jews because of the numerology of a dice game. He felt that it was destiny according to Zoroastrianism.

Esther and her cousin, Mordecai, who had adopted her as his daughter after her parents died, saved the Jews from certain extinction by Xerxes.

Xerxes had a beautiful wife, Vashti {Who Apparently Was Welsh.}, but once, when he called her, she didn't come at his call and he was insulted deeply and decided to get a new wife, one who would obey him

always. He proclaimed that he was looking for a new wife and that virgin women were being sought. Esther (or Haddasah) was a virgin and Mordecai decided to allow her to join the legion of women who were hoping to please the King by being in his harum. Xerxes had a harum of 5,000 women. He was treated like a god.

As time progressed Xerxes fell in love with Esther {I Believe This Is Now, Sophia Loren, Not Michelle.} and decided that she should be his Queen. Now Xerxes had a justice minister, Haman, whom he promoted as above all men except himself. Everyone was to bow to Haman, but Mordecai did not, and when asked why, he said it was because he was a Jew.

Haman decided that he wanted to get rid of the Jews who did not bow down and do him obeisance. He had a gallows built for Mordecai's killing and had Xerxes send out a proclamation stating that all Jews would be killed, including women and children, on the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, which is the month of Adar, and to plunder their goods.

Mordecai was appalled and put on sackcloth and ashes. Esther and Mordecai decided that she should risk falling out of favour with Xerxes by having her see him and see if he would offer her his scepter if she came to him without being called. Xerxes power was absolute and if he didn't offer his scepter it meant certain death! Esther was a very brave woman.

When she came to Xerxes without being called, he offered her his scepter and half of his empire and wanted to know what she wanted from him. She told him of Haman's threat to her race and herself and Xerxes was filled with indignation towards Haman and had him killed on the same gallows Haman had originally built for Mordecai. Mordecai became Xerxes justice minister and Esther remained his Queen, now more than ever!

Because of this event of freeing the Jews from certain demise, Xerxes was a hero of the Jews along with Esther and Mordecai and the Jews hold every fourteenth day of the month of Adar as a time to celebrate the freeing of the Jews from certain demise by Xerxes. Mordecai was second to Xerxes, now, instead of threatened with certain death.

Xerxes father, Darius I. {Who I Believe, Now, To Be Rick Danko Of The Band.}, had had trouble with the Greeks, who had burned his temple to the goddess Cybele. Apparently, the Greeks thought of Xerxes as a barbarian. He was very well educated and wealthy to be a barbarian, but the Greeks were democratic and considered a feudal system inferior to theirs.

Because of the burning of the temple of Cybele and numerous other instances of Greek mischieve, Xerxes decided to war with Greece and mounted a campaign throughout his kingdom. It was the most massive army ever amassed in early history with soldiers from all over his kingdom, Egyptian boats, Babylonian troops, Hebrew footsoldiers, Indian mercenaries, etc. He was sure to win against the miniscule forces of the Greeks.

According to Herodotus, a Greek historian (obviously favoring the Greeks), there was an oracle in a place called Delphi where young women, mediums, were set on a tripod above a cave. The fumes from the cave would render the subjects

unconscious and that is when they were said to be able to forecast events and divine other things of importance to the Greek state. Things back then were very mysterious and magic was thought to exist without doubt.

According to Herodotus, weeks before Xerxes invaded Greece, an oracle was held and the woman on the tripod stated that Apollo was not giving this oracle, but Zeus was. Then she said that either an important Greek soldier would be killed or that the temple of Athena at Athens would be burned and sacked. This was gathered telepathically. I believe it came from God. As it turned out Xerxes' armada killed Leonidas, Sparta's best and most noteworthy warrior and the temple at Athens was burned.

The song; I had gotten it one night when I woke up at about 3 in the morning to this strange lute music coming from the wall at the head of my bed. I checked to see where it was coming from and found, much to my surprise, that it didn't come from the guy next door. 1 decided to explore further and went both downstairs and upstairs to find out where it came from. There was no music coming from any of the apartments around mine and yet, when I got back from my exploration, the strange lute music was still coming from the wall at the head of my bed. I was entranced.

I got out my father's nylon string guitar which had only four strings because the other two had broken. The guitar was tuned perfectly to an E-tuning and I imitated what I heard coming from the wall and practiced it into the morning hours until I had it copied on my father's guitar with only what was needed; the top four strings in an 'E' tuning. Later, I learned how to play it on my twelve-string guitar.

It is the eeriest, most ancient-sounding, mystical song I have ever heard. I had gotten it when I was seriously studying Xerxes and trying to determine whether I had been him or not {It Is Coming To Me, Now, That I Was His Brother.}. I felt that the song had come from God.

I didn't trust 'OZ' and felt that he had violent intentions toward me perhaps; still; over Michelle. I had visited Mautz Paint plant several times and both times there were violent cartoons of 'OZ' driving a truck over a surprised guy with glasses. 'OZ's cartoon of himself showed him with an extremely violent, relentless look which considered nothing but himself. I was certain that the guy with the glasses was supposed to be me. 'OZ' had purchased a gun and sarcastically said to me, when I asked him what it was for, that he had bought it to assassinate somebody, as he glared directly at me. I felt that he, now, was a serious threat to me physically.

Because of the records, particularly IN THROUGH THE OUT DOOR by Led Zeppelin, I had come to feel that Michelle and I had been together in our past lives and 'OZ' had no basis to believe that Michelle was his. I viewed the songs and what they wrote an oracle from God. I decided to do something dramatic. As long as there was a perceived threat to my life, I decided I didn't want 'OZ' to have power over me. I began to take large amounts of May

Apple, a purgative and poison if taken in large doses.

May Apple was the closest thing that I could get to the Mandrake which had been considered to have a magical life of it's own (When a person wants to unearth a plant of Mandrake, he was not supposed to pull it out of the ground himself or he would die. Mandrake Root was thought to be alive like a little man and if you pulled it out of the soil, it's spirit would kill you in pain. So you were supposed to tie the Mandrake Root to a dog and let the dog pull it out, and the Mandrake spirit would kill the dog and not the human. That's kind of bizarre, but people still believe it is unsafe to unearth a Mandrake Root. Mandrake Root is also the name of an excellent rock and roll band!).

The May Apple made me somewhat sick and caused my bowels to run, but I kept doing more and more of it. There was a commercial which was put out by the A.M.A. about May Apple as being a dangerous poison. I thought it peculiar that this commercial came out just when I was trying to see if God would keep me alive. I haven't seen the ad since and never saw it before.

May Apple was obviously a strong poison. I took more and more of it. I was drinking pitchers of it a day every day. Sometimes I thought that I was suiciding for Michelle or Kim or Cindy or domething. I felt that it was a dramatic statement of faith and trust in God and myself.

After about a week, I had begun to look whiter than white and my lips were redder than red. I really looked very beautiful!! I felt that I was dead and my spirit had been freed. I went to the Mifflin Street Co-op to get some ginseng and good whole-grain food and walked around the Co-op feeling very holy and soft and subdued. The people shopping there seemed to sense my peace and confidence.

I felt that God had stopped me from dying. I didn't think that God wanted me dead, but the threats from 'OZ' had already occurred. I felt that, since my life was already in danger, and probably would be in the future, I could see if God would keep me alive. How I survived I'll probably never know, but from what I knew about May Apple, I figured it was a miracle that I was still alive to carry on.

Now comes the part that I'm not too proud of. I was extremely paranoid about 'OZ'. He had threatened me a couple of times and had attacked me once. I still had the feeling that he thought he was performing for Michelle and imitating Hendrix' lyrics. I felt that he was an awful man and could be dangerous. I felt strongly about my position with Michelle and the music and felt I should defend my beliefs demonstratively. I did the most foolish thing I have ever done in my life.

I had been given a large blunt bread-knife with a dull-totally useless-blade by the resident manager of the apartments I was living in with Ned. The bread-knife was so dull, that it would not even cut bread. I decided that I would go out to 'Oz's place which was now far out of town on Cottage Grove Road, about 5 miles outside Madison. I was paranoid that 'OZ' was after whatever I had. Historically I felt

that I also had been King Arthur (Arcturus) {Actually I AM Percivale, Arthur's Former Son And The Keeper of The Holy Grail Of Christ At The Millennium.} and Cindy and Stevie Nicks were the same woman and incarnations of Guinvere (Gwainlod) {Guinvere Is Lauren Bacll, Cindy's Nickname Is Clio And She Was One Of The Nine Muses, Stevie Nicks Was Moses Miriam And Lindsey Buckingham Was Aaron.}. In India, at the historical beginning of our journey on this planet, I was Arjuna and won Draupadi in an archery contest. Kim was Draupadi {She Was My Twin Daughter When I Was Percivale.}. As the Christ, I had travelled with Michelle {This Is Untrue For Christ And I.}. As Xerxes, and later as Jean Lafitte, I had been married to Michelle {Lafitte Should Be Explored.}. I felt that when 'OZ' threatened me, he threatened everyone and everything associated with me.

I hitchhiked out to Cottage Grove Road with the knife, thought about defending Guinevere and the others (at the time I had no idea that 'OZ' was seeing Cindy; looking back, I guess that was why I was thinking of Guinevere and not Michelle.), took off my shoes and walked two miles barefoot on the frozen pavement as Christ suggested a man do with a particularly difficult man and stabbed myself 15 times with the blunt knife to show that I felt strongly about his threats.

I cried out in anger when I stabbed, but meant to pose no threat to 'OZ'. {It Was A Protest After His Abyssmal Threatening Behaviors. Othello, Huh?.} It was mainly a message to God. I felt that it was a warning and meant to show how strongly I felt about 'OZ's intrusion into my territory. When I came to his house finally, I laid the knife down under his door walked to a house on Cottage Grove Road in the town of Madison and asked to have an ambulance called because my feet were numb.

I was taken to Methodist Hospital and placed on the psychiatric ward where I had been given the electroshock before. My feet were extremely frostbit. I walked on them from the beginning even though I was told not to and ate a diet of grains and cabbage that I purchased from the Whole Earth Co-op. I healed very rapidly. The doctor said that I'd be in the hospital for 6 weeks at least. I was gone in three.

While I was there I listened to the radio and a girl had the Foreigner album at the time HEAD GAMES. I was disgusted with all of the head games people had laid on me since I was a boy. Why couldn't we just be good to each other. But I realized that I was in a head game with the people in my life.

'Rikki' was a good friend and one night I was sitting in the dayroom with my bandaged feet up on the table. It was St. Valentine's Day and she came into the room dressed up in one of those long dresses that is tight around the ankles. It was a very formal dress. She was twisting a heart made out of red and green pipecleaners and looking very wistful. I think that she loved me a little. She plopped down in a chair. I thought that she and Michelle were incarnations of the same person in history. I tried to tell her of the land formations around Persia and how it applied to Amestris and, Xerxes. I didn't get far with the description when she got up and stomped out in anger about something. I don't think she was too interested in what I had to say. As she left I watched her angry walk. She was prettier when she was angry, too.

Life continued on for me and I was going out when I could afford it, which wasn't too often. I had moved away from Saxony

and now lived on Gorham Street still near the main drag, State Street. It was the fall of 1979 and I decided to fast. I didn't eat anything for 40 days, but drank juice for nourishment. After the fast was over, I ran 2 straight miles a day every day. I ran to the Mifflin Street Co-op (about a mile) and rested some and then ran from the Mifflin Street Co-op to the Whole Earth Co-op on Johnson Street (about a mile and a half). I was very healthy and in excellent shape and had recovered (the May Apple didn't really do that much to me) completely from the May Apple poisoning ordeal. Basically I wondered why the AMA had put out the commercials declaring May Apple a poison. I felt that God had given me a mandate and I should do the best I could to live up to his expectations.

I went to a party one night that a friend 'Ryder' had turned me on to. Leroy's former girlfriend's step-daughter was there. I did the usual thing I did at parties then, get drunk and listen to lyrics.

A guy I didn't know came up to me and asked me if I was Richard Tolley. I told him that I was and then he asked if I knew 'OZ' and I said yes. Then he asked if I knew 'OZ' wanted to kill me. I said no and asked him to sit down next to me and tell me how he knew that.

He said that 'Oz' had shown him, a perfect stranger, his new .38 caliber pistol and had pointed angrily at a target he had drawn and stated, 'That's Richard Tolley.' 'OZ' had told the guy that he wanted to kill me.

I was immediately frightened. I didn't get the guy's name, but instead ran all the way home to my apartment and lay in my bed all night thinking. Why did he want to kill me. Was he afraid of what I had done with the knife!?? I thought that it was just a continuation of his threatening behavior towards me before the knife episode, but hoped that was the real reason and decided to call him the next day.

Towards evening of the next day, I called him. He answered the phone and I asked him if he really wanted to kill me. There was silence on the other end of the line. I asked him if he was afraid of what I had done with the knife and explained why and that it hadn't been meant as a threat to his life. Silence...... and then he hung up.

I was really scared. I knew that I had really lost it when I had stabbed myself with the knife as a protest to God and to him, but I felt strongly that the women in my life were from my past and that he was trespassing on my territory. I didn't know what to do, now. It was silly to think that I would threaten life, but that's probably what he thought. I stayed home that day.

That afternoon, I called the Madisonn police and told them about 'Oz's threat. The man on the phone responded that they couldn't do anything until a crime had been committed. I asked him what I was supposed to do, wait for 'OZ' to shoot me? He said that there probably was nothing to worry about. I told him there was. He said sorry and hung up on me.

---

"SUNG BY Russian DEEP-BASS-BARITONE Boris Medvedev......"

Operatic Russian Deep Bass Baritone Boris Medvedev:

"OPERA IN RUSSIA!!!!!!!"

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The next day I went to my financial guardian and asked him for enough money to live out of town for a few weeks till 'Oz' forgot about his threat. He said that I was nuts {Who Is 'Nuts', Here??? I Was Being Harrassed With A Gun.} and told me to go to my psychiatrist, Josephson and tell him my problems.

I went to Josephson and told him. He laughed and told me to forget about it and not to worry; 'OZ' wouldn't shoot me. {What A Schmuck. Was Josephson Rational. Nazis.} I wasn't so sure where 'OZ's head was at after he had tried to break my neck.

On Friday, I went home to my parents house and to see Cindy Vleeschouwers. I called her and asked her if I could see her. She said sure. I arrived in the evening. I immediately told her about 'OZ's threat to my life. His name was on the bulletin board in her kitchen in big letters. Apparently she had been seeing him. She quickly erased his name from the bulletin board and we walked into her small living room and sat down. She told me that 'OZ' had told her that he was concerned for me the last time they had talked about me. That surprised the hell out of me, because if he was so concerned about me how come I didn't know it. It made his threat all the more real. He obviously didn't tell Cindy what was really on his mind. I'm sure that his threat wasn't meant to solve the problem for him. {Looking Back. 'They' Were All 'Nuts'! Apparently. And Still Are 'Nuts'.}

Then Cindy started to tell me how expressive his eyes were in a joyful way. I just sat there and listened to her chatter. She apparently didn't see the threat as real. I guess 'OZ' told her something just the opposite of what he actually did. He had obviously lied to Cindy. I wondered why and in my state over Michelle and the music thought she was still on his mind, but I didn't know for sure.

I played for Cindy from the album by E.L.O. OUT OF THE BLUE, CONCERTO FOR A RAINY DAY and told her to listen for the message to Michelle from me. She didn't get it. She played for me the first side of NETHERLANDS by Dan Fogelberg. She stopped the record at LOOSE ENDS, the dirge about climbing a mountain in darkness, and said that she didn't like that song. It was like living in a silent movie. I believed and people just left me behind. I was really frightened of 'OZ', now.

Cindy, then, went into her bedroom to do something and I read out of her book on Chinese Astrology. I read about 'OZ', Michelle and me. As I was just finishing my reading, Cindy stomped out of her bedroom in her untied bathrobe, grabbed violently but unsuccessfully at the book, said sarcastically that I'd better call my mother, walked over to the front door (which didn't open. You had to come in the back way.) and stood there. I figured that she wanted me to ball (make love) her. {Clearly, These People In My Life Are All Right Out Of Their Minds.}

I didn't care to and told her that I would call my parents after I finished reading the last paragraph. She furiously went back to her bedroom. I finished with the book and called my parents. My mother came to pick me up and I went out on the steps to wait. Cindy wanted me to wait outside.

I could feel the pain of not being able to make love to anyone, but, quite frankly, there was ho one that I knew that I wanted to make love to except for Michelle and it wasn't because

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of her good behavior. Now, I thought that Cindy wad a bit 'nuts'. {If She Was Balling 'Oz', He Had A Jupiter/Mars Conjunction Which Usually Means A Large Organ.} She didn't realize the threat and incongruity in what 'OZ' had told her and what he had done. I realized that perhaps she was a reincarnation of Guinevere or Gwainlod and she had been fickle to Arthur or Arcturus {Lauren Bacall Was And Married Mordred Or Marilyn Manson.} I went home to Madison. I didn't think too much of Cindy. {Pretty Crazy People. Obviously Insane, Watson.}

By the way, Stevie Nicks, who looked just like Cindy, later came out with an album where she sung about King Arthur. Again, I felt I wad right about Cindy and Stevie and Guinvere. Stevie Nicks considers herself psychic and a witch. Cindy was into the occult as I was. Stevie Nicks thought she was Guinvere and it fit what I had thought about Cindy. They are the same woman.

I wondered if I was even considered by God. I was a reasonable man, but I loved Michelle and the love songs written for us and felt that 'OZ' was an evil man. I wondered if God would spare my life. I prayed and asked for God's intervention, but got no response from him.

I was obviously scared to death, but continued to remain on the streets with no one to help me. I alternated between unwarranted confidence that God would protect me to deep and sudden fear that maybe God didn't care and wouldn't protect me. I wasn't necessarily worried about my own life, but in the position that I felt I was in, where I was responsible for the lives of others, I didn't feel that a man like 'OZ' should have power over my life. But he did. I decided that I would go home to my parent's house and try to get the gun away from him somehow.

I went home for the weekend {It Was My Birthday.} and didn't talk to my father. I didn't trust him and felt that he wouldn't take me seriously, just like the financial guardian and psychiatrist he had arranged for me. Even if my father would've helped me and intervened, I wondered if either my father or I could trust in 'OZ's word if he had lied to Cindy. If he told my father he wouldn't try and shoot me, could he be trusted???

I thought about it all weekend. I felt a victim. I was worried to death, but kept it from my parents. I thought about telling them, but soon realized that probably they wouldn't understand. I had tried Dr. Josephson, Michael Nowakowski, my financial guardian, and, last but not least, the police. My father and mother had been cold to me before {Still Are.}. I didn't know what to do.

Sunday came and it was time to go back to Madison. I wasn't going to walk the streets with 'OZ' and his threat out there. I was all alone again. I went into my father's bedroom and got out the shotgun. My intentions were to try and kidnap my father and have him drive me down to Madison at gunpoint and get the assassin's gun away from 'OZ'.

Either I would be successful or fail and be put away. Really, I didn't see how I could successfully get the gun away, but I had to try. I had no intentions of hurting anyone. It sounds unreasonable, like I should have told my parents, but you don't know my father. I, again, was desperately hoping that God

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would intervene.

I went out to the living room, pointed the shotgun at my father and said, 'I want you to drive me to Madison.' My father immediately began shouting, 'Mayday!!! Mayday! Mayday!!! over and over again. He was obviously extremely frightened for his life {Wasn't I For Mine???}. He wasn't listening to me when I told him again and again that I wanted to go to Madison. I could sense that he apparently felt guilty or something and thought that I wad going to harm him. Was he concerned for me at all? What was I; his son or some Japanese at war with him? I suppose I could've been a Japanese for all my parents cared to know about my life. I went out to the kitchen to see where my mother was.

She had poured out the screw jar and was picking up screws and dropping them one by one into the screw jar. She was apparently frightened with my father's yelling Mayday and thought her life was in danger. I told her that I wanted to go to Madison, but she wasn't listening either. Neither one of my parents had said a word to me.

My father had settled down and was standing in the hallway. He asked me why I wanted to go to Madison. I said, 'I just do.' He said that he had to change his clothes. I thought that was bizarre considering the circumstances he was under and how I obviously felt and went back to the kitchen.

My mother continued to drop dcrews into the jar. I went back to the living room and found that my father wasn't there any more. I went down the hall and found him in the bedroom calling the police. I thought it was funny that if he thought I was crazy why wouldn't he protect my mother instead of running away from her to call the police. I told him to put down the phone and went back to the kitchen to find my mother.

She had gone over to the neighbor's to call the police and wasn't in the kitchen. I went out into the garage. If she knew that my father was in danger, why did she run the other way? She was a woman and I guess I didn't think she was responsible for my father's safety, but it made me wonder.

When I got out in the garage and out onto the driveway, I realized that my mother was gone and turned around to go back and see where my father was. When I turned around, he was coming after the gun. I first pointed it at him, but then realized that he was too close and directed it at the house and tried to empty the shotgun at the house, with the barrel pointed-low-to-the-ground. I had forgotten that the shotgun had only one trigger for the two barrels and only pulled the trigger once.

My father and I struggled to unload the gun. I let him guide the weapon the way he wanted, and when the gun was aimed away from anything, he and I both pulled the trigger and the gun was discharged. I got up and stood there in the driveway. My father looked disgusted with me. {My Lord! My Life Was Being Threatened By Everyone????.} The police came. {And I Got Blamed And Was Locked Up For 13 Straight Years For Trying To Protect My Life From A Crazy Man???.}

I was just thinking how my parents hadn't protected each other when confronted with fear for their lives and wondered if I was safe now from 'OZ' {And 'Them'.}. I thought about how it must have upset my parents to have to face what I had done, but I could see very clearly that I had been left no other choice by anyone, including the police, in order to protect my life.

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"Finally, Folks..."

"Fear HER."

"SHE Is America..."

"And The Future Of The American Dream."

"He Resides With HER???"

"What A Man."